I've decided I love the Scottish. Well probably not all of them, but I'm sure a great deal of them. One of my good friends April Mangham married a scottish guy, she said here favorite part was being called a "wee lass"....I'll take it. Anyway, I'm watching Dear Frankie and desperately craving fish and chips...I'll go see what I can find in the kitchen and then I'll be back to explain some of the best relationship advice I've ever received and other suggestions on what to do with my life because I still have adventures on the horizon...
Last night was Molly's reception and I talked to Erika. These last few months with Nelson have been a complete whirlwind and most of the time I don't know how to process all of the information that i've collected by being and not being with him. I wish I could have always have been so excited to have him (at least at one point) be my boyfriend, but I've been reticent at times to talk about him or introduce him as such because of the rocky nature of our relationship since about the first week. Because of this, and this waiting to actually see him in person today for the first time in 2 weeks, I counseled with Erika about my feelings on the matter. She said not to jump ship yet. That of course I'm not going to feel totally sure about it until the puzzle pieces are put together. Right now there are all of these pieces that set out and I've basically only started working on the border pieces...just sorting them out of all of the other random jig-sawed ones.
It made sense to me mostly because earlier that day while I was at work I thought of the same thing. We're doing the spring changeover there and because the store was so hopelessly disorganized and not merchandised very well, me and co-worker spent the better half of the day moving entire fixtures. It was really hard and kind of difficult for me to map it out all completely before we started because there were so many things that had to happen at once. So we tackled little bits at a time. There were times during the process that my associate would turn to me with a quizzical look on her face and ask how the heck certain things were going to fit or what were we going to do with such-and-such a group. But the whole time I knew it was all going to come together. It wasn't going to be perfect, and perhaps there would be more work redoing the mistakes that we had made, but I knew it would be better than it was and it gave me joy to organize it.
As we were discussing this, hand gestures and finger miming came into play as she described how I needed to make my plans, he needed to make his and if it was right our plans would come together. I realized that I had, in agreeing to date Nelson, abandoned all of my plans and tried to jump into his. Wrong, wrong wrong! Well, I was wrong to do that anyways. It made me unhappy and extremely dependent on him...which made me clingy, which made him queasy, which made me queasy and clingyer until there was this big blow out of neediness on New Year's Eve afterwhich I decided I was going to be back on my own forever...
until I talked to Brenda from the sex industry.
Well that's what she said to shock me anyways. Brenda is a red-headed spit-fire from South Carolina that works at my store who decided the night before to take it upon herself to find me a husband, even if that meant supplying one from her own three unmarried boys. So New Year's day after the Eve blow-out had a good talk with her that improved my life two fold: first, it put me in a position where I could glean from her her years wisdom about being single and happy etc. and it also let her know I was a human manager with feeling and would be willing to listen which would make her more open to taking direction and helping me be successful managing the store.
I know this because after we discussed Nelson for a bit and whether or not we thought he treated me well when she told me about having been in the sex business. What she went on to say is that she managed a store in which one third of the merchandise was lingerie so she had many a chance to see all the different kinds of relationships and girl halves of the relationships march through her store. She told me about how some girls clung to the futile hope that their douches of boyfriends would "change" and somehow they'd start treating them better if the girls gave them more of what they wanted....Somehow it applied to my life I think...er...:)
At one pont she started wondering out loud why a cute little whipper-snapper like me was stuck doing this dreary managerial business when she thought I should be in the "hospitality industry" like two of her boys one who was apparently very wealthy and very single at the age of 37....I'm always up for adventure, but I thought I'd better figure this Nelson thing out first. Anywho, she said that with my design background I should be an events planner. And I was like "no way! I've totally looked into that! You're right Brenda." So I started dreaming and scheming all over again, something that I hadn't done since I worked at Nuskin 3 months ago.
It was like a breath of fresh air. You know what? Later that day I started tentatively telling Nelson about it which opened the door to talk about the night before which opened the door to talking about why I was newly independently freshly scheming like I was. So...now we're still on a break, but we'll see what "my plans" do to our relationship and if they truly will move towards his....:)
No comments:
Post a Comment