As I was shoving a chocolate frosted peanut butter bar from Hickory Kist into my face and I saw this pretty girl walk by and kind of glare at me. I could not help but notice the conspicuously placed bling on her left hand and once again reminded that I was not married. I've been thinking about this for a couple of weeks now and once upon a time I concluded that some people are meant to be baby-makers and some are not. That sounds mean, but its the only thing that helps me cope with not being able to keep up with the Jones and have a family like everyone else in the community. I'm pretty sure that mortals can't comprehend how they are special to God...just like everyone else so we have to place ourselves. Let's face it, its just really really hard to be undefined. Our point on this earth is to experience definition. Our mortal bodies are literally a defined version of our incomprehensible intelligentical beings. Satan hates hell because he doesn't get to be defined in a mortal body. So the whole point of our mortal existence is to define ourselves only to strive to embrace our undefinabilty once again and to use our bodies for good and to procreate.
*gasp*
And that's all I thought on that day.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
My sister doth not love me...
Well does it really matter? I only think of her every time I lay me down onto my queen sized bed to slumber. We used to share a queen when we chucked the bunkbed on our way to Missouri. Long story short, the second half of my Senior year was spent kicking Katie of my side of the bed and plugging her nose so she wouldn't snore. Those damn adnoids....
Another sister is my faithful blog reader, Loise. Pronounced Loyz. It was very unfair to leave her hanging with my declaration that I'd be moving to LA. You'd better not tell you-know-who that I even have a blog because then I'd have to destroy the evidence and this is not a blog about HIM! I don't think I can do it. Every time I think about going through with it I just feel...blah. Like, I just have no desire to do it whatsoever to go anywhere near Cali. I don't really want to stay here, but when I think about going to Montana, there's a warmth in my innards that makes me feel good. I just don't know what I should do...
My good old friend at the PPC who's sister I knew my freshman year and who's sister new my brother in law school said this about marriage when i asked if I could indeed marry for money and a well-dressed man, "Marriage shouldn't be about love; it should be about commitment and building something." We were talking about all the well-dressed Japanese men who had infiltrated the store which reminded me of the 3-piece suit that Jerkface (blogged about 'im and now I've given him a name for all ya'lls) wore the last time we saw each other. It was a nice suit even though I practically begged him not to wear one...too official for the occasion, boo. Anyways, very soon afterwards I had an ROR (raugh out Roud) moment. A very well dressed and pretty Japanese woman asked me where the 'lestloom' was...
And then walked in a beautiful Venezuelan boy.
Okay, he had an entourage of his entire extended family, I guess that's how they do things in Venezuela. What am I talking about? He was the entourage to his bedangled gold-ring-plus-bracelet-wearing father, mother and grandparents. He had a little brother too. And maybe a great aunt. Not only is the father a person you might see depicted on some kind of mafia-type series set in Latin America, but he also has a lisp which makes this 240 pound man a leedle effeminate. It was cool and for helping them before John stepped in, daddy Venezuelan promised that the next time he came here into the store he would bring me back something from Venezuela. He had a kind smile so I accepted his offer.
Another sister is my faithful blog reader, Loise. Pronounced Loyz. It was very unfair to leave her hanging with my declaration that I'd be moving to LA. You'd better not tell you-know-who that I even have a blog because then I'd have to destroy the evidence and this is not a blog about HIM! I don't think I can do it. Every time I think about going through with it I just feel...blah. Like, I just have no desire to do it whatsoever to go anywhere near Cali. I don't really want to stay here, but when I think about going to Montana, there's a warmth in my innards that makes me feel good. I just don't know what I should do...
My good old friend at the PPC who's sister I knew my freshman year and who's sister new my brother in law school said this about marriage when i asked if I could indeed marry for money and a well-dressed man, "Marriage shouldn't be about love; it should be about commitment and building something." We were talking about all the well-dressed Japanese men who had infiltrated the store which reminded me of the 3-piece suit that Jerkface (blogged about 'im and now I've given him a name for all ya'lls) wore the last time we saw each other. It was a nice suit even though I practically begged him not to wear one...too official for the occasion, boo. Anyways, very soon afterwards I had an ROR (raugh out Roud) moment. A very well dressed and pretty Japanese woman asked me where the 'lestloom' was...
And then walked in a beautiful Venezuelan boy.
Okay, he had an entourage of his entire extended family, I guess that's how they do things in Venezuela. What am I talking about? He was the entourage to his bedangled gold-ring-plus-bracelet-wearing father, mother and grandparents. He had a little brother too. And maybe a great aunt. Not only is the father a person you might see depicted on some kind of mafia-type series set in Latin America, but he also has a lisp which makes this 240 pound man a leedle effeminate. It was cool and for helping them before John stepped in, daddy Venezuelan promised that the next time he came here into the store he would bring me back something from Venezuela. He had a kind smile so I accepted his offer.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Reconnecting continued.
I realized that I should have just posted that last one and then go on. Anyways I didn't finish. I needed to explain about the big reconnect. Wait, maybe it's not so big a deal, but it was unexpected. I got a call at 1:38 am from a person that I have preciously blogged about whom I had many feelings about. Ha! You know when there's just this reoccurring person that somehow manages to influence your life with this invisible hand and no matter how many phone calls you ignore and no matter how many times you tell yourself you're not the way you are because that's the way he says you are....this is getting complicated. He called, caught me off guard, a.k.a. called when I was full on asleep picking up only out of some weird reflex. He laughed that he had duped me into picking up. It's true I had been ignoring his calls, but I don't know why!!!
Honestly now I don't know what we talked about for two hours in the middle of the morning, but damn him! For the rest of the week I was on again about the idea of marrying him. The drama with mine and his relationship is more than every other drama with a guy combined! I fully attribute this complications to my nature, he seems very content with the constant state of limbo that we are in. Either that or he's not letting on that he thinks about us. The thing that really bothers me is that he says things like, "I miss you" and when I tell him that he's too tired to talk and that he should go to bed he whines "oh." in a pathetic, no-don't-leave-me kind of way. So manipulative. There's got to be a definition for something in between platonic and romantic. That's the limbo that I'm talking about.
Anyways, fast forward to last night when we talked about the things I've been thinking over the last week when everytime one of us called the other was too busy or to tired to do anything but touch bases. He sounded tired again (doesn't get cranky, just mostly slow and disjointed in speech which is frustrated when asking questions that matter to me) but resisted getting off the phone saying that he was just fine. So I tested him by pulling out the big guns and asking what the hell we were all about and delving into the whole relationship limbo thing (I guess there are just some concepts that are too abstract for me to grasp, I'm just so human....)It resulted in a very interesting conversation about dating; apparently he was dating 3 people at the same time, but only platonically which I think discounts the whole purpose of dating. He used the term "to go steady" when referring to the state of dating romantically before the stage of intent to marry dating. If was pretty ridiculous, but it did define lines which shed light on his twisted mind when it came to committing to an EC. Anyways, I agreed to move to LA pending securing a job there.
Honestly now I don't know what we talked about for two hours in the middle of the morning, but damn him! For the rest of the week I was on again about the idea of marrying him. The drama with mine and his relationship is more than every other drama with a guy combined! I fully attribute this complications to my nature, he seems very content with the constant state of limbo that we are in. Either that or he's not letting on that he thinks about us. The thing that really bothers me is that he says things like, "I miss you" and when I tell him that he's too tired to talk and that he should go to bed he whines "oh." in a pathetic, no-don't-leave-me kind of way. So manipulative. There's got to be a definition for something in between platonic and romantic. That's the limbo that I'm talking about.
Anyways, fast forward to last night when we talked about the things I've been thinking over the last week when everytime one of us called the other was too busy or to tired to do anything but touch bases. He sounded tired again (doesn't get cranky, just mostly slow and disjointed in speech which is frustrated when asking questions that matter to me) but resisted getting off the phone saying that he was just fine. So I tested him by pulling out the big guns and asking what the hell we were all about and delving into the whole relationship limbo thing (I guess there are just some concepts that are too abstract for me to grasp, I'm just so human....)It resulted in a very interesting conversation about dating; apparently he was dating 3 people at the same time, but only platonically which I think discounts the whole purpose of dating. He used the term "to go steady" when referring to the state of dating romantically before the stage of intent to marry dating. If was pretty ridiculous, but it did define lines which shed light on his twisted mind when it came to committing to an EC. Anyways, I agreed to move to LA pending securing a job there.
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